On my last post titled «Mr. Right Then», I talked about ReEnamorarTe, the book of a good friend of mine.  She loved what I wrote about my last relationship, and mainly how I always keep positive despite the circumstances, how I try to avoid taking a hit by the situations, and the most important thing:  Not get burned out by love.

Not only did she share my last post, where I relate my love chronicle, on her book’s fan page, but she encouraged me to write more often.

I started this blog about 4 years ago to narrate my journey through breast cancer almost 12 years ago.  I was still living in the US and having lunch with my good friend Lauren – writer and blogger – when she said that it’d be a good idea to share my experience through a blog – not only about breast cancer – but about my life lessons.

It is hard for me to write about just anything.  After I wrote the last thing related to my breast cancer journey and moved to Colombia, I have been reflecting and writing about being back at home, love (or lack thereof), relationships and the life I dream of.

I pour my heart out on each post I write, I keep it very honest because, in a way, writing is extremely cathartic for me.

When I wrote my last post I was still hurt from my last relationship debacle.  Now that I’ve cooled my jets a little, I think there is a topic that never ceases to surprise me and that I would like to explore in the light of what has recently happened to me.

Rebound relationships.

A rebound is an unspecific period following the break up of a romantic relationship. A person might be considered on the rebound if he or she becomes involved in a relationship shortly after the ending of a previous one.

Was I Mr. Right Then’s rebound? I used to joke about this when I was with him because he had recently ended a relationship when we met, but for some reason, I never felt as if I was part of a rebound relationship.

Maybe I was, who knows.

It feels crappy to be the reboundee – the heartbreak, the deception, the grief, the heartache, the shame…

I wonder if Mr. Right Then as the alleged rebounder ever had true feelings for me or if he was incapable of any emotional attachment and was simply using me as a substitute for love that was lost.

On average, 90% of rebound relationships fail within the first three months.  A rebound relationship might be healing for the rebounder, making this one feel good and boost feelings of self-worth.

But is it healthy for the reboundee to be in a rebound relationship?  The reboundee is also benefitting from the rebound relationship because the rebounder is willing to give his/her all, even if it is just a short-term band-aid.

Having knowledge of the theory behind these relationships, and with all these data out there, why are rebound relationships so frequent and common?  Are we all scared of being alone?  Is love so complex that when falling out of it or after a break up we have to seek solace bouncing right into another relationship?

So, here’s the thing.  I recently heard from the Alpha Male (a guy I dated more than a year ago).  We had not spoken in a long time and he called me recently as if he had guessed I was single again.  I realized after our last exchange that I am not attracted to him at all.  Yes, he is handsome and smart, but I am so done with his silly mind games and antics.  I find him boring and unappealing.

Part of me wants to entertain his overture because it might be an opportunity of liberation from my recent unhappy-ending love affair. The other part of me resists because I don’t want to start a «relationship» with someone I am not slightly interested in anymore and who is definitely incapable of offering me what I want.

I know better now.

If I do entertain his overture, does that turn the tables and puts me in a position of control as the rebounder?  Would I be using the Alpha Male to get over Mr. Right Then? Will I feel better? Worse? Or the same?

I am not angry or bitter about what happened with Mr. Right Then, but isn’t it scary to think a lot of rebound relationships start out because we are resentful, frustrated, want revenge from our ex or we just want to use someone to make us feel better about ourselves, even if that means hurting someone’s feelings?

After exploring rebound relationships, my conclusion is that it is unhealthy to play any role – rebounder or reboundee, even if the rebounder might seem like a more favorable position.

I don’t think it is all right to get involved with someone sentimentally just because we are lonely. That will only make us feel «slightly» better and will prevent us from meeting that person with the right energy for us.

It is better to hit bottom and run completely on empty before we can be full again, instead of looking for a temporary quick fix for that void.

That being said, I’d rather drink some wine and watch from the sidelines while I continue to heal from my last love mishap.